Truly bizarre things doctors had to remove from vaginas in 2017
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

2017 was a tough year for vaginas.

But while the rest of us were marveling at the idea of cucumber cleanses and sticking wasp nests in our vag, some people were out there skipping the trends and shoving whatever they fancied into their genitals instead.

Data from emergency room visits, pulled by the US Consumber Product Safety Commission, has revealed some of the strangest things doctors had to remove from vaginas in 2017.

These strange and wonderful things include headphones, a candlestick, and a bike reflector. Wow.

Now, to be clear, while we can titter away at what people are shoving up their vaginas, this list has an important message: There’s still a massive lack of knowledge of how to safely experiment with our vaginas.

Weird things doctors had to remove from vaginas in 2017:

  • Scented soap
  • Deodorant cap
  • Bottle cap
  • Penis ring with spikes on
  • Silicon balls
  • A ball
  • Bike reflector
  • A sponge (the patient said she was on her period and inserted a sponge into the vagina so she could swim. This isn’t wise – use a tampon or menstrual cup instead)
  • Headphones
  • A hot towel
  • A phone and money (the patient was having sex with her boyfriend when he put a phone and cash into her vagina)
  • Clay
  • A candlestick
  • A lollipop
  • 15 stone balls (the patient was using urethral vaginal stone balls, the string holding the balls together dissolved, and she could only retrieve 14 balls)
  • A toy wand

Blame poor sex education, shame around buying sex toys (you know, things that are designed to go into the vagina), or strange porn scenarios, but it’s pretty rubbish that women are resorting to getting deodorant caps and lollipops wedged in their vaginas for the purposes of sexual pleasure or a misguided attempt at vaginal hygiene.

Placing objects into the vagina that aren’t supposed to be there can cause all kinds of damage. They can cause abrasions, disrupt the delicate bacteria balance of the vagina, cause prolapse, or lead to a nasty infection.

Don’t put things in your vagina that aren’t expressly designed to be put into the vagina. If you do and you can’t remove whatever object it is, don’t be ashamed to go to the doctor and ask for help. They’ve likely seen worse and it’s better to get professional assistance rather than scrabbling around inside your bits.

Oh, and don’t feel too smug, men. Doctors found plenty of questionable things jammed inside people’s penises this year, too.

The same lesson to you: Don’t put anything into the shaft of your penis that isn’t designed to be there. You could end up causing extreme damage and excruciating pain.

Weird things doctors had to remove from penises in 2017:

  • A little screw
  • A sharp toy
  • A four inch long metal sex toy
  • A plastic spoon
  • Piece of domino
  • Piece of plastic shampoo bottle
  • Paperclip (patient put paperclip through urethra and punctured through shaft of penis)
  • Coaxial cable

MORE: Peeing before sex makes women more likely to develop a UTI

MORE: Why these women want to create Pussypedia, a free online guide to all things vagina

MORE: What’s it like being permanently aroused?



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