WANTING something different to say on Valentine’s Day instead of the overworked “roses are red, violets are blue, and I love you” type of message?

Here are some suggestions from wellknown cynics.

• David Letterman’s Valentine’s Day money-saver: Break up on February 13, get back together on the 15th.

• Husbands are like fires — they go out when they’re left unattended. Cher

• The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby. Natalie Wood

• Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity. Albert Einstein

• Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. Christopher Marlowe

• True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. Erich Segal

• Love is a grave mental disease.Plato

• Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternising with the enemy. Henry Kissinger

• A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting. Helen Rowland

• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx.

• Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. Mickey Rooney

• I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner

• I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV. Tracy Smith

• Never go to bed mad — stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller

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